


Comeback Kids

by animmortalist



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Painnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, Therapy, Tragic Love, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, tw depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animmortalist/pseuds/animmortalist
Summary: Bellamy dies, and Clarke isn't sure how she's meant to make it in a world without her soulmate. Just as she and his best friend, Murphy, lose their grip on Bellamy, he starts appearing to them as a ghost. Clarke thinks there's no life for her without Bellamy, but Murphy's intent on showing her that it's still worth living, even amongst the pain. He helps Clarke heal and have hope once more, all while talking to his dead friend, convincing him that they'll survive. Though he knows neither one of them will ever be whole again, he thinks things might be okay, one day.If only he and Clarke didn't fall in love, like proper idiots.*on hiatus*
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/John Murphy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16
Collections: The t100 Writers for BLM Initiative





	Comeback Kids

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sparklyfairymira (myonetruelove)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myonetruelove/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies!! Along with another WIP that will be posted today or tomorrow, this story is the last new one from me in a long time. I really wanted to get all of my t100fic4blm out into the world because my prompters have been so, so patient with them. Once that other one is out, I will be taking a break from any new WIPs. I will be focusing on finishing the ones I have and being more consistent with updates. All of that said, I am _so_ excited for this story. 
> 
> It's one that's been in the queue for a while, and thank you so much to the amazing Miranda for prompting it to me. I don't want to give too much of this story away, but there's going to be lots of twists and turns, and hopefully, will be a satisfying read.
> 
> Thank you so, so much to everyone who has ever read, given kudos, commented, etc. on any one of my stories. It truly means the world to me.
> 
> In case you didn't know, there's a wonderful initiative going on for t100 fandom called t100fic-for-blm. Learn more about us and how to prompt a writer or content creator with our carrd [here](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/). As someone accepting prompts, I am accepting only WIP updates at this time.
> 
> Find the playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5OCLqHNXqAVouzsAnqezhV?si=h1dj4mxLRgGxWOC8Aostyw). 
> 
> Sending love and good thoughts to you all 💜

Clarke’s life ends in the Fall. 

Not because she loses her own life. Her lungs still work. Her heart, too. Even her brain. But she might as well die, given what she loses. Rather,  _ who  _ she loses. 

Bellamy. 

Her husband. Her person. Her family. He’s her everything, and she’s going to have to go on without him. She doesn’t want to, but God, she knows Bellamy never would’ve let his pain end if he thought she wouldn’t at least try. She owes it to him to keep going. Even if she knows she’ll only be a shell of who she once was without him. Not even a shell. Because at least that would have some kind of structure. A hint of what was once inside. 

Once he’s gone, she’ll be like ash. 

When the day comes, she and Bellamy are in his room. Just talking. She’s trying to keep things light. Of course, his best friend from college, John Murphy, doesn’t allow for it. 

“We’re sure about this, right? Because I would really hate for this to turn into an, ‘oh shit,’ after the fact thing,” Murphy says.

Bellamy laughs, though she knows he’s in pain. 

Clarke reaches out and takes his hand, meeting his eye. He nods, and she’s sure, too.

“We are.”

Murphy sighs. “Well, fuck.”

They don’t just let you medically end your life in a hospital without some parameters in check. They’ve had to have a grief counselor and different doctors. Enough that if she wasn’t so organized she would’ve certainly lost track of some of it. Clarke’s just thankful they live in Washington, where it’s legal. It seems like a silly thing to think about, on a day like this, but she’s long since learned nothing about this makes sense. 

Murphy told her that when she first told him what her and Bellamy decided, because they did it together, like everything else. 

She hates that he’s proven right, every time. She could practically feel him getting so damn smug about it. Sometimes, she fantastized about wacking him with her purse every time he did it. 

Murphy and Bellamy didn’t always like each other, but by the time she met Bellamy, Murphy was his best friend. Though she quickly took his place and landed him in second, of course, which she points out to Murphy whenever he gets a little too smug. 

She doesn’t like him, really, that’s not a secret. There are worse things though, than not liking your husband’s best friend. 

Like the day that your husband dies. That’s worse. 

Bellamy likes Murphy, though. Really likes him. Enough that Clarke made a threesome joke a couple of months ago, when things were easier for him. He thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. He told Murphy right away, who also couldn’t stop laughing. She didn’t care though, because Bellamy  _ laughed  _ and was happy, and that was enough for her considering he was staring down a death sentence. 

A brain tumor that would rid him of everything that he was, everything he cared about, and he’d tried. He’d fought for three years, and it wasn’t getting better. So, he came to her and he asked her if he could stop. As if it was whether she wanted Indian or pizza for dinner. He asked her if he could end his life. How could she say no? She loves him, more than anything or anyone. She said yes, of course, because if he needs to be done, if he wants the pain to end, then who is she to deny that from her favorite person in the world? 

If he needs his fight to be over, then she can grant him that.

That doesn’t stop the damn pain though. Enough that she starts to think she isn’t gonna make it when he leaves, but she has to, if only long enough for him to believe she’s managed to survive without him by her side. At this moment, while the doctors fuss over Bellamy and they explain what’s about to happen, Clarke feels like she’s going to shatter. 

The last day comes and she isn’t ready. Murphy asks her to get coffee, to give Bellamy some time with his sister and Mom. Though any second away from him feels like too long. She sits in front of Murphy and wishes she never met him, because then she never would’ve met Bellamy. He has been a help to Bellamy, she knows this, but even despite that knowledge, she’s pretty sure she hates him sometimes. 

Bellamy told her earlier that she should take Murphy out for a nice dinner that night. After. If he wasn’t so weak (enough that she cried in her car about it twenty minutes before) she would’ve thought about giving him a shin kick. 

She loves that Bellamy can still make jokes though, even today. If only she could feel anything but crushing pain. She wants to smile for him, to bear it so he doesn’t have to, but it’s too much this time. 

“I’m not gonna ask you how you’re doing, but you know, at this point, you can tell me,” Murphy says. 

For being a therapist, he’s really not all that delicate. At all. Bellamy appreciates that though, and she does her best to see why. To understand why he needs Murphy’s prickly demeanor while preparing to end his life. She suppose Murphy’s okay, but certainly not her first choice in people confiding all her pain to, though she guesses that’s kind of the point. 

“I don’t need to talk about it,” she tells him. “I’m...Doing the best I can possibly do. We’ve been preparing for this for a year now.”

Murphy stares her down. “That doesn’t make it easier.”

“Of course it doesn’t,” she snaps and then feels bad about it.

It’s okay though. This is Murphy. He told her a while ago he doesn’t give a shit if she takes out her rage and frustrations out on him. Clarke likes to think that she doesn’t do that, but she’s always been able to lie to herself about certain things. 

“I just meant…” Murphy trails off and shakes his head. “Fuck, you know this isn’t easy for me either. I might not be his wife, but he’s still my best friend. I’m losing him, too. I know it feels like you’re all alone in this, but you’re not. You might want to be or trying to convince yourself that you are, but you’re not.”

She takes a moment to let his words settle, and then she ignores them almost completely. “I’m aware that my husband likes you.” She wrinkles her nose. “Apparently, against his better judgment.”

Murphy just stares at her for a bit, and she thinks he isn’t going to let her off that easy. She should’ve known he wouldn’t. But then Murphy snorts out a laugh, though the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. She understands why. He might be a pain in her ass, but he means what he says about Bellamy.

“Ah,” he wags a finger at her, “so you still have that cutting wit.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “If that’s witty to you, you’ve gotta get out more.” She shakes her head. “Or maybe less, depending on the company.”

He gives her an amused look. “Still looking for that threesome, huh?”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “Aren’t you supposed to be consoling me or...I don’t know...At least  _ something _ that resembles a human emotion.”

“I thought you would’ve known by now that I’m allergic to that,” he fires back.

She doesn’t want to, but she can’t stop herself from snorting. Bordering on a laugh, but not quite. If Bellamy had heard the sound, he would’ve smiled, even though he’s been too weak to do much of anything recently. The moment only lasts a second though before it’s interrupted. 

Octavia comes into the room and Clarke turns somber. She meets Murphy’s eyes for a bit before returning to Octavia’s. 

“It’s time,” she tells them, clearly on the verge of tears.

Clarke’s only seen her cry a handful of times. It isn’t just jarring. It feels practically apocalyptic. She finds it in herself to nod and stand. Murphy comes with them to Bellamy’s hospital room, as is the plan. Bellamy wants him there, even if Clarke thinks the moment should be for family only. That doesn’t matter now though. Not when she’s faced with losing the most important person in her life, when it has actually become a reality. 

Part of her wants to run. Like she has before, when her dad died, when things got rough between her and Bellamy, before they got married. She can’t this time. She has to be there for him. If she can only give the slightest bit of comfort to him in his last hours, then she will give everything she has to him. She’ll empty herself out completely if it means his pain is relieved just the smallest bit. 

Lincoln is waiting for them in one of the chairs around Bellamy’s bed, Aurora on the other side, Abby beside her. Clarke feels tears well up in her eyes and fails to push them back. This isn’t fair. This can’t be happening. But she knows better. This  _ has  _ been happening for years now. She owes it to Bellamy to stay as strong as she can until he’s gone. Then, she can fall apart as much as wants to, she can completely let go of the whole world—it won’t matter once he’s gone anyway. 

She just has to get through this for him. 

“I see we’ve been missing a party,” Murphy jokes.

Through her tears, Clarke shoots him a look, but covers it up once she sees the hint of a smile on Bellamy’s face. 

“Oh yeah, we’ve really been raging,” Bellamy manages. 

Murphy clears his throat, seemingly not without effort, and keeps the bit going, “You might wanna think about relaxing a little, taking some down time. Getting a nap in.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes. “Unlike you, I don’t need sleep to look beautiful.”

Aurora shakes her head and smiles softly. “You boys are ridiculous.”

“As long as you still love us,” Murphy says and leans down to kiss her on the cheek.

Aurora gives him a long look. “Of course, I do.” She turns to Bellamy. “And I always will.” Tears fall down her cheeks and she brushes them away. “Look what you made me do, John.”

“Sorry, Aurora, it’s in my DNA to make the ladies cry at the mere sight of me though.”

Aurora huffs out a laugh and Bellamy grins, more than Clarke’s seen in a week. It makes her heart stutter, and then clench. After today, she will never see that smile again. 

Abby stands and hugs her tightly, fiercely. Clarke wonders if she will ever have kids. Probably not. Bellamy wants them. They talked about her getting pregnant before...But it didn’t work out. 

“Abby,” Murphy acknowledges her mom.

She presses her hand into his. Her mom’s always had a soft spot for him, even as she never really has. 

Clarke wonders if a piece of her will miss Murphy, after all of this. She doesn’t plan on staying close to him, really, at all. Octavia, of course, she’ll stay in close enough contact with, but...Well, she’s already started to pull away from the rest of her friends this year. Not enough for Bellamy to notice too much. They can tell, but they say nothing. Probably afraid of her fracturing even more. She wishes she could say they’re worth it or she’ll change and that it’s temporary, but that isn’t true. 

She simply has no interest living her life like she used to once Bellamy Blake is no longer on Earth. 

They take their seats around him, almost as if rehearsed. Absurdly, she wants to laugh. Thankfully, she finds it in herself to hold it in. Octavia’s gripping onto Lincoln’s hand. Clarke takes Aurora’s, but only for a moment. She can’t bear to take in all of her pain, and Bellamy’s, and her own. Maybe that makes her weak, but she’s beyond thinking she’s _anything_ at all at this point. 

The doctors come in and administer things into Bellamy’s IV. The drugs that will finally let Bellamy go from this world. She hates every second of it. She wants to scream, to throw things, to lose it entirely. Somehow, she manages to hold it all in. Their faces reek of their own forms of sadness. Even when he wasn’t completely himself, even in his final months, he’s still himself. Everywhere he goes, people love him.

They won’t miss him like her though. Like Octavia and Aurora, and yes, Murphy. His death will bring grief and pain, but it won’t be the same. It won’t leave a jagged, open wound where he used to hold her hand, kiss her, laugh at her horrible jokes. It won’t ruin them, not like it will her. 

Clarke finds Bellamy’s hand and squeezes. He squeezes back, thankfully. The doctors said it could be hours, but the sedation they gave him could kick in at any time. They already had their time alone together earlier. Before anyone else showed up. She’s told him she loves him so much she doesn’t know if it can even register anymore. No matter how many times she’s said it, it will never be enough. It will never truly show how much she loves him, how much she needs him still, even as he’s slipping through her grasp. 

“You’re gonna be just fine, Baby,” he tells her.

She wants to lose it again, but she can’t. He’s counting on her. She won’t let him down this time. 

There are no words that will convince him, so she forces herself to nod. 

“We’re all gonna be just fine,” Murphy says. He sniffs. “You just focus on hanging out underneath that cabana in the sky.”

Octavia chokes on a sob and leans against her mom, who wraps an arm around her. The Blakes are so close. It’s impossible to imagine one without the other two. They’ll be broken too, just like her. She reminds herself she isn’t alone in this. But she still can’t make herself reach out to either one of them.

Though she’s still holding onto Bellamy, she already feels a million miles away from all of them. Unable to keep watching them, she focuses back on Bellamy. Memorizing how he looks. His breathing. A million small things she never took note of but now must with the precious amount of time left.

After an hour of this, she figures out what he’s doing. 

“Close your eyes, Bellamy,” she gets out, her voice not sounding like her own. 

He swallows. “Clarke—”

“It’s okay.” It is not okay. It will never be okay. Nothing is okay and yet it has to be, she has to make it okay for him. Just for a little bit longer. “It’s okay,” she forces out, feeling the tears run down her face, “you can rest. We’ll still be here. I’m not going anywhere, Bellamy. So just rest for me.”

She senses that he tries to fight it, but his eyes drift closed after a moment. Then his breathing deepens. None of them can seem to look at one another. She’s grateful her mom is here, but then she also isn’t. Because she doesn’t want any of this to be real. She doesn’t want to give it the weight of truth.

His breathing gets a bit shallower after a while, and then they know.

It’s only a matter of time. 

It takes a few hours, she learns later, but another faceless, emotionless doctor comes in and tells them that it’s almost time. That it won’t be much longer. The only thing that gives her solace is that Bellamy might as well already be far away. Somewhere peaceful. Without pain. She’s never been the kind to believe in heaven, but for those few hours, she prays for one. For a someday that she and Bellamy might have yet again.

That hope doesn’t last longer than that day, and only weeks after the funeral, she forgets that feeling entirely. Doesn’t even remember what it was like to yearn for it. Chalks it up to losing her mind during the worst day of her life. 

There is no last confession of love. Or a miracle, though she knows she hopes for one anyway. There is nothing like in the movies or books. No last words of love and a life well-lived no matter how short it was. All of that? That’s bullshit. 

There is only Clarke losing her husband too soon. Bellamy, losing a life that deserved to be so much longer. Murphy crying quietly, turning into himself so as if to hide it from Bellamy, even though he’s no longer awake to see it. Octavia leaning on both her mom and Lincoln. Aurora crumbling as Clarke has never seen her before, as she always thought of her as one of the strongest women she’d ever met. Abby sits by Clarke’s side and says nothing but it’s enough to know that she is broken-hearted, too. 

There is pain and sadness and a never-ending emptiness Clarke knows she will never fill. Even if she has fifty or sixty more years, she will never be whole again. Bellamy’s her person. The only one who’s ever truly understood her and known her and loved her the way she needed to be loved. 

She doesn’t remember it later, but it’s not Aurora or Lincoln or Octavia or even her own mom who holds her as she cries. It’s Murphy. She also doesn’t realize how loud she cries, why her voice is lost for a week following Bellamy’s death. Murphy does though, and he lets her dig her nails into his arm as she sobs. As she completely fractures apart at all her seams. He lets her do it because he knows she needs to, because when Bellamy takes his last breath, Clarke believes that she does, too. 

That’s all there is for a long, long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ❤︎
> 
> Find me on tumblr (@animmortalist)


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